Didn't really mean to leave that ugly post up for so long. Kinda got busy this past week... er... month.
I'm feeling much better and the timing of how Easter followed my lava flow of frustration was very appropriate. I needed to be reminded that it's not about me, I needed to be reminded of how much grace I've been extended and need to extend to others... and I needed medication. And I got all of the above.
And don't worry, I know most of you are nodding your head in agreement and saying, "Yes you did."
Now getting back to the lessons learned from this ordeal. Has anything changed? No, not much. Got extremely frustrated at some things during schooling this morning, but whatever, I just backed off. I currently have one child in front of a movie and another one crying in his bed, but whatever, it's only today.
I am amazed at how much loving-kindness and long-suffering God has for us. I'm completely at a loss as to what I do with my kids and I only have four. But I've relearned something... I'm not going to be the one making their choices. They are going to make mistakes and they're not going to listen to me and they are going to follow themselves... quite often. And it's their life. I can only do so much and I will continue to do what I can, but I can't own their mistakes - it's too stressful.
So I'm trying to be indifferent, for lack of a better term. Watching them mess up and make bad choices still pains me and I will still try to teach them the correct path whenever and wherever I can, but when they mess up I'm going to try to not be so emotional about. That's why I got the pills (ha! just kidding, people... just kidding.)