Saturday, March 20, 2010

That's So Jr. High

Sorry to have neglected this blog for so long... and really for the past 6 mos. or so even if I post something, it's not anything of significance - so yeah, I really feel like I've forgotten about it.

There have been many things that have gone on recently... and it takes me longer to mull it all over in my head because 1. My head doesn't work as well as it used to (mom brain times 4... need I say more.) and 2. I rarely get the "down" time that I can just sit and contemplate on stuff. I really like to sort things out and writing helps me to do just that a lot of times... but yeah, I get on the computer and I think "my kids are going to remember me as always being on the computer..." or I hear "Mooo-oooommm, so-and-so is doing this-and-that, and the other." Defeating? Kinda.

It's just not my season for long contemplative posts. But I am going to attempt one here because I really need to think some things through. Bear with me.

I love Chuck Swindoll. He is one of the few radio ministers I can listen to and almost be struck in the face by a teaching or even a simple truth on a repeated basis. He and I click most every time. He has a way of presenting something that makes me want to sit and just chew on it for a bit. Yesterday he did it to me again.

I've been struggling with a multitude of issues lately - many of them beyond my control, many of them effecting people that I dearly love, many of them are things that I can't just sit down and vent about. People are struggling everywhere these days with multitudes of issues on many varying levels of seriousness. It seems that Satan is having way too much fun (and success at times).

So recently I've felt hammered. I've been weary of all of this stuff - and most all of it can be rooted down to one overall theme - selfishness. Yesterday Chuck Swindoll was speaking on the fall of man - that pivotal time in spiritual history when Eve and Adam decided to partake of that forbidden fruit. I've been hearing this message everywhere lately - we are teaching about it in the preschool classes, so I have been preparing many lesson plans based upon it; Isaiah recently has had a few school lessons about salvation and such and these verses have been touched upon there as well. I feel like I have been bombarded with this section of Scripture at the same time I've been bombarded with all of this depressing life stuff.

Well, Chuck Swindoll mentioned the moment that Adam and Eve sinned they saw they were naked - yeah, I know - even if you know the Scriptures marginally you know that they discovered they were naked after they sinned... big deal? But Chuck Swindoll mentioned this verse to point out that it was at that moment that the two became self-conscious... they were no longer God-conscious or others-conscious - they were focused upon themselves and they were ashamed.

So many of these things that I have experienced lately reminds me again and again that "its not about you" - how often could I have helped somebody by simply redirecting my focus? How many times is the other person's offensive or annoying behavior prompted by something that is happening within their lives? It's so much easier to condemn than it is to extend grace. I wish it wasn't -but that's what comes when we are all self-conscious.

I hope that I can reach a point that I can stop and think "I wonder what they are thinking, feeling, or experiencing right now..." instead of simply writing them off as being offensive to me. It will take time and it will take effort, but I really know that I will enjoy life so much more if I could just refocus!

So there you have it, my ramblings are as deep as they can get at this point in time. I'm tired now. :)

1 comment:

RK said...

Wow. What a great moment for you to pass on a deep thought.

1. Chuck Swindoll is a go-to guy for me too. Just has a way of stepping on my toes, and I like it...makes me think, always shows MY responsibility in the issue.

2. I've been very burdened--for lack of a better word--lately as well, and it IS about selfishness. Some on my part, as always, but it's hard to watch someone close whose every action causes a reaction that I must deal with, and it's hard not to get bitter when that person WILL NOT or DOES NOT care that he is causing pain through the admittedly selfish acts.

I've never considered the Fall as the birth of "self-conscious" before. So true. And I'm trying to address what *I* can do in my little boat right now, but it's hard when I only have one oar, ya know...

I think I'll go download some Swindoll podcasts...