Warning: This is one of those posts that's just gonna let it all hang out. So, if you can't handle the truth you may want to skip to the next in a long line of happy-go-lucky blogs.
I'm a grump today. Major grump. It started in yesterday and my levels of frustration have become increasingly more obvious and hard to control. I even called my ob/gyn this afternoon to see if I'm a normal human being.
My first disclaimer is this: when compared to other things that could be happening in my life right now, my mind knows that I should feel like I've got it made. I want to put that out there right now before I dive deeper into the pit of despair... said with the hoarse, gravely voice like the guy on The Princess Bride and I want you to know that I totally should be able to clear my voice and sync up my feelings to my knowings and shrug my shoulders to say that things really aren't that bad. So for everything I am about to say, I just want you to know that, yes, I know things could be worse. I know that my kids could be sick or dying instead of just frustrating. I know this stuff... but sometimes we need to admit that while we know this stuff, we might feel differently.
So today, I've totally lived out the Romans 7 Paul, I do what I hate and I don't do what I want to do.
I had intentions as I sat down to do this post, of writing everything out in detail of how I've yelled, frustrated and exasperated my children today and how they triggered each incident... but I have now decided against doing that.
Instead I just want you to know that even folks with good, descent, blessed lives have issues... me definitely included. And there are days that come along that make you wonder if you are all alone with the overwhelmed feeling, or if everyone is just as overwhelmed but they aren't admitting it.
1 comment:
I do SO often think this. I mean, I went to counseling largely for my "end of the rope" feeling about why I couldn't seem to manage a bit more patience with my kids.I have seen improvement, as have others around me.... but...
This morning I almost shocked myself at a moment of strange explosion (or implosion of sorts?). I feel horrible when that happens. I don't want my kids to remember me that way. And oh my, I really fear they will some days.
And in case it matters, I'll just admit that some things my OB/GYN is familiar with do also influence how well I'm doing on a particular day A.LOT.
You are NOT alone. Not by a long shot. I often remind myself that it's a sign of some sanity that it bothers me, that I'm not numb to my actions. You're an excellent mom, for real. But I know the difficult parts sure do feel extra difficult sometimes.
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