As Long As Ye Both Shall Live

I didn't mean to leave that last post hangin' there for so long. Yes it was a rather random complainy type post again, but for good reason.

I've witnessed quite a few crumbling marriages here lately... and the one of the biggest problems in my non-expert opinion that is contributing to this far reaching problem is a direct violation of the definition of "love."

I don't think a lot of people have any clue what love is. We throw around the word too carelessly for one thing, but the media and society in general does an abominable job in portraying an accurate depiction of what sincere love lived out looks like. We think we have to feel happy and satisfied all the time... that the happiness and satisfaction will come from our spouse when in fact complete fulfillment can only come in making God happy, not ourselves.

That little list I wrote in the last post is just the tip of the iceberg in a long list of things that I or Steven could write that drives one of us crazy. I guarantee that we are not the same person and we often view life from two totally different perspectives... but if we sat around and kept becoming frustrated over each others differences we will only grow further and further apart.

One of the many criteria of true love is that it keeps no record of wrongs. If I fumed and got all hot and bothered every time Steven violated something on "my list" I would be a terrible person to live with. Some of the wrongs that occur are simple and petty like my last post. Who really cares what the sheets on the bed look like in the grand scheme of things? Other wrongs that occur hurt deeply and take awhile to heal... but we really shouldn't give up.

Here are my feeble attempts at offering advice on how to deal with a difficult marriage...

1. Laugh about it - come on, some of it is funny... it hurts at times, but we can find the humor even in the tough stuff.
2. Lower your expectations - don't expect your spouse to meet all of your needs - they are human and they are going to let you down... extend to them grace when they do.
3. Involve yourself in something that you enjoy - don't look to your spouse for total happiness. If you could find something that the two of you enjoy together that is best, but nevertheless, if you become involved in something that brings you some fulfillment you won't be requiring so much from your spouse and your overall outlook will be a brighter one.
4. Find one or two good friends to tell all your troubles to - don't go blabbing around to everyone how terrible things are, but instead find a good strong friend that will allow you vent but doesn't join in your pity party. Meaning, someone that will let you air out your frustrations but won't then trash your spouse. It's good to vent, but it's not good to wallow.

If we all remembered that this marriage thing was supposed to be long term and that divorce is simply trading out problems, I think people would work so much harder at getting it right. Today's throw away society has put marriage in the same trash can as last year's broken toaster. It deserves much more respect than that.

I hope my last post was taken for the list of ridiculousness that was intended. Yes, I drive my husband just as crazy as he can drive me at times, but it is so worth the hard work and craziness. (and yes, he still fills the dishwasher incorrectly... ;)