Ponderings

I've been mulling over quite a few things in my head, but obviously not writing them down too quickly... I will list the main ideas below in no particular order or coherency:

1. The D6 conference was really good, very much a blessing and brought greater focus not only to my ministry, but more importantly, to my parenting. And after every Spiritual high, reality must come crashing in - and boy has it done just that over the past few days - but being aware that it's coming helps me to deal with it a bit better. I don't always act the way I want to for sure. But thankfully that's where grace comes in.

2. I have some really wonderful lessons that I have taken away from the conference but thus far I have no audience with which to share these nuggets of truth. That is one of the most frustrating aspects of learning more about building faith at home - it's supposed to happen at home, and I'm only a member of one household. I've been trying to find some sort of avenue to share this important information to parents but I keep meeting roadblocks. So be prepared internet - you may become my outlet. We'll see.

3. Seasons of friendship are so confusing. When a friend you were pretty close with and (seemingly) encouraged through many of life's ups and downs finds someone else they quite prefer to be with, it can really cause a season of doubt, loneliness, and frustration. I know that God puts people in our paths for certain seasons and it's very rare that you find that one close friend that will last your entire lifetime, but I've always wished for that type of friendship. I'm currently experiencing a transition I do believe... one that I'm not necessarily ready for, but I will trust it will work out for the best. It's just harder when you're not quite sure what is going on...

4. Life is better without distractions. I've scaled back quite a bit on the kid's toys and movie time. When they need something to do we pull out some sort of school work or they go outside to run off the energy. It's helping to get the job done. It's helping with attitudes. It's helping to ease the stress level. I'm glad something is moving in the right direction (I hope).

5. I hate it when I feel intimidated as a mom. I know there are no real-life super moms out there. I keep telling myself that everyone has their struggles whether I see them or not. I confess, I rationalize away their good behavior... because most everytime I see really well behaved families I've most always noticed that either 1. they have like 2 kids... 2. half or a majority of their brood are girls... and 3. they seem to go everywhere I go just to taunt me. I realize I'm choosing to compare apples to oranges and that's never really good to do - but it's hard to deal day in and day out with all our family warts but see these "we've got it all together" families and not feel some level of.... ummm.... resentment. Then I feel ugly and guilty for not only wishing to drag others down, but for not championing my own family. Yeah, it's pathetic. I'm a let it all hang out there kind of mom. We don't have it together and frankly I don't want people to look at us and think that we do. Strength only comes through the struggle right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Don't worry. I wouldn't trade my family for anything... no matter how perfect other families seem in public. (Although, in the future, I would like to avoid Avery turning to Huston and declaring very loudly while walking through the grocery store, "Huston! did you see that man's big belly??")

The next post will be about the kids... I promise.