You know how somethings in life hit you, blind-side you, and it just totally makes your knees buckle...makes you fall flat on the floor and cry out to God, because really that is the only direction left to go - up to meet Him. I experienced that this week; I started this week off with a horrific phone call early Monday morning. A dear friend called to tell me that a family in our church unexpectedly lost their 4 week old baby. A 911 call, an ambulance ride, a few hours later and their family will never be the same again...none of us who know them will ever be the same again.
I can't shake this family out of my head...not that I want to...but all day, everyday since that terrible Monday phone call I have had a weight on my chest, a lump in my throat and I will be distracted for a time with day to day things that come with being a mom and then I will stop and think, "why am I so burdened? why is my heart so heavy?" and I remember and I pray.
This sweet family has asked me to help them answer some tough, tough questions that their 4-year old will be asking...I don't feel at all qualified to give them those answers. Today was the funeral and it was by far the hardest funeral I have ever witnessed. I helped them with their two preschooler children and looking into their eyes and experiencing what played out before me in that sanctuary today made me even more aware of how precious life really is.
This baby spent a very short time in her family's life but will greatly effect them for years to come. She was a gift to them and they count each moment they spent with her as a great blessing. Every life is valuable and every person is a gift from our Creator. Why did she have to die? There is no easy answer to that question, but I do have assurance and truth that will help to comfort me into trusting God and knowing that He has a plan. If you want to know about that truth, just email me I will be so glad to share. No I don't have all the answers, but it's ok to question and cry out to God. This baby's daddy reminded us of that message this afternoon.
Taking their pain and heartache and figuring out what I can learn from it is another way to honor the life of this sweet baby girl. What really matters most? That our kids are highly educated, talented in sports and the arts? That we climb the corporate ladder as high as it will take us and it doesn't matter who we step on along the way? That we get to our appointments on time and looking put together and that our children behave and not embarrass us? Really this week I have recoiled into my home for now, I have focused on loving my kids. I have given more hugs, told more people that I love them because we are not promised a long life of easy living. I feel like becoming more real to the people around me, making sure my focus is on God to get me through the hard times and that I am reading His Scriptures to find the answers to my tough questions - those are the most important things to me right now, and teaching my children to do the same by example, helping others to find that same road is just as important.
I have been shaken down to my very foundation, but this foundation is so strong and never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and I hope with all that is within me that you too have built upon that rock, that solid foundation because a day will come when something will blind-side you and I pray that you will find the strength to look up and see that He is right there, hurting because you hurt and waiting to help you rebuild.